What Do You Want?

In the film THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF LONGING, a female professor (played by Tilda Swinton) tells her genie (played by Idris Elba) she doesn’t want to wish for anything. She has everything she wants, including a profession she loves studying international stories, respect in her field, and a comfortable living, although hers is a solitary existence. The genie doesn’t believe her, but he’s impressed that she should be aware and wise about the illusions of wishing. How many lottery winners ruined their lives with riches? After he shares the sad history of his previous life in and out of his bottle, she realizes she shares the longing he feels.

Have you ever been stumped when a loved one asks you what you want for a present? You intend to be reasonable and honest, but naming one thing you’re missing in your life that someone can provide can be difficult. How often do we fall for ads suggesting merchandise we absolutely must have, although we never realized the need before? Then, when we have the item in hand, its allure quickly diminishes. We discover we don’t really want the thing. It becomes one more item we have to declutter. Can we return it? Would it make a good donation?

In the charming romantic comedy LEAPYEAR, Anna (played by Amy Adams) notices “I had everything I wanted but not what I needed.” What can we do to separate wants from needs? In the case of Adams’ character, she must experience a contrasting life decorated with humor, true love, and surprise to be able to see what she lacked. Experience offers an opportunity to see what’s hidden from view. Wants can be temporary, often influenced by group opinion or trends. Wants create the mounds of discarded clothing that have become problems worldwide. Wants demand ever increasing resources because one person’s trendy wants provide someone else’s profits. When someone acts on the belief that a person can never have too much money, that’s an ego want.

Needs are easiest to realize when they’re absent…but not always. Many people are feeling a sense of disappointment in life this year. For example, some yearned for a time long past when decisions seemed simpler and happier and paychecks bigger. They elected people they felt certain would deliver their wishes. Like someone who marries a fantasy of love and relationship instead of a loyal friend, they thought they could anticipate the changes they were inviting into their world. As prices go up and services and freedoms go down, they might question their decisions. They had a clear idea of what they wanted to see happen, but up close it doesn’t look the way they were told it would.

Unfortunately, wants fulfilled don’t usually come with free returns. Somehow, the returns are never entirely free, and when the commitment was large, life doesn’t remold precisely as it was. Ego comes to the rescue of many—pretending everything is even better than promised. No wonder those who would orchestrate a world that bends to their will may do their best to destroy investigation, because investigation can reveal truth and truth can expose illusion. We don’t honestly need much, yet what we truly need isn’t easy to see. We must look from within.