What Happens When Hotties Age?

Being a hottie is a matter of comparison. Let’s consider stereotypical female hotties because that’s where my experience lies, although the circumstances apply beyond genders. A bikini is not required. Beauty can be a simple truth. Imagine a crowded airport where large groups of people wait impatiently at each gate. I’m told there once was a uniformed airline gate agent whose workaday walk down the concourse inevitably commanded attention from every male and numerous females along her route. She didn’t react. Most onlookers never knew her name, but everyone could refer to her in conversation and be instantly understood. Strains of “The Girl from Ipanema”  or “Pretty Woman” automatically dropped into observer minds like recordings in a classic juke box. That my husband remembers her some 35 years later is a testament to her impact. That’s a bonafide hottie.

Few of us experience being any level of hottie on more than a few deliberate occasions. I remember my times with a wan smile because my sister told me I looked like dirty dishwater. But, oddly, I enjoyed friendly attention as I aged. In fact, throughout my sixties, I felt more attractive than before. Why? When I stopped trying to be someone else, I seemed like an improvement over those who believed they were defeated. The category of hottie divides with age. Many women surrender to beliefs that they need to fit into a role as they pass birthday milestones. They need to “act and dress their age,” although inside they don’t grow old unless they believe it. They give up dressing to feel good about themselves as they are, reluctantly reverting to “mom clothes” so they don’t look out of place.

Meanwhile, billions of dollars of beauty products and medical interventions serve the persons who squeeze themselves into expectations that women are valuable only as long as they’re hot, regardless of their other attributes such as intelligence or talent. They’re victims of myths perpetrated by the society. They’re struggling against a standard chiseled into their minds. They feel cold and empty as they pass because they constantly criticize themselves internally. As self-love shows, so does self-hate. They may look superficially great for a few more years than those who don’t try. Their persona may brag, but they don’t generate gladness. They don’t feel real—like someone who might save you from a wildfire or flood. They’re dimensional images copying AI. Some accidentally project “scary.”

Being attractive isn’t simply a physical phenomenon. All it takes is loving yourself and a desire to spread an aura of happiness and emotional safety around you. Bitterness, fear, disappointment, emotional exhaustion—allowing negative emotions to permanently wither hope or optimism or generalized love makes lines and wrinkles into an “oldness” mask that defies expensive treatments. At some point, the years will insist on being detectable on the body. Parts fail. We have expiry dates. However, good humor, friendliness, compassion, curiosity—a zest for being alive and engaging, especially when it means facing conflict and pain head-on, sets a person apart without requiring an unusual appearance. We all crave joy and can spread it like a magnificent contagion. As energies and eventually memories, we’re as immortal as we believe we are. A natural hottie exudes knowledge of self and a grounding in that reality. She or he sees self in everyone, enough self to make everyone nearby feel familiar and worthy of care.