Hand in Hand

In his poem “The Death of the Hired Hand,” Robert Frost wrote “Home is the place where, when you have to go there, They have to take you in.” Of course, that was proposed in 1915 when family was a functional unit for many people from varied backgrounds. It wasn’t entirely true then, and I’d hazard a guess that it’s less true now. For me, the most similar modern version is depicted in the film SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK in which a young man who has battled mental illness is taken in by his family and a girl with borderline personality disorder.

Today the streets are what many might call “infested” with homeless people who may or may not suffer from mental or emotional disorders or addictions. Only a fortunate few have families willing to work to reabsorb the lost member. Sometimes the disconnected person prefers distance and loneliness because genetic family has been a source of pain and misunderstanding. Many families are loosely attached and more than ready to release troublesome members who don’t espouse the specific values and beliefs of the family unit. The envy once displayed by a white woman who presented herself as black because that community seemed to have more cohesion and love than fractured white families do—that envy may lie beneath many of the hateful prejudices voiced against communities that prize family ties such as Asians, Native Americans, Afro-Americans, and Jews. Of course, that was merely one woman’s perception of the reality. Only members of particular in-groups know the truth.

Holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas or other religious celebrations seem to shine cruel bright light on the people who don’t belong to a loving, accepting group that pulls together when needed. How many people enjoy the massive reflected town love George Bailey discovers in IT’S A WONDERFL LIFE? Birth families tend to scatter, following job opportunities or new loves. Neighbors move and lose touch. Death removes those who once gripped the family into a whole. The fact that the airlines and highways are crowded during holiday seasons reminds us that people are doing their best to bind the ties of community, but it’s expensive and difficult and distances may feed philosophical or religious differences. The “unconditional” in unconditional love is far more challenging to act upon than it is to claim verbally. Instead, many relinquish blood relationships in favor of friendships that may fill the void or even be more effective at cementing like hearts and minds together.

The new expressions of family may not physically take loved ones in to live with them, but they can tighten the strings between them with frequent messages, videos, chats, and more. Simultaneously, some people are more aware than ever that we need one another whether related or not to stay healthy and sane—locally and globally. Old cultural traditions are revived to remind us that we came from community and it’s community that can preserve us.

In that spirit, allow me to extend a warm hug to everyone who reads these blogs. We are closer than any of us know. I thank you for being there and send you love.